Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
