is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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