last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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