went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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