grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
