its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
