i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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