Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
