My nipple is on Facebook.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
