I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
