Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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