His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
