His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
