I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
