Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize