hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
