i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
