Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
