I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
