"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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