My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
