I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In America we eat man semen.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
