the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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