none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So vagazzling was a success
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
