Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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