do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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