M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
