You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
