My first STD was from a foam party
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
