Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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