Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
