I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
