I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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