The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
