I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
