On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
