i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
