She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
where are my eyebrows?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
