She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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