Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
