I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
