You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
