2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
