Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
