We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
