It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Semen is not good for contacts.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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