also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
