she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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