Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
