he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
