I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
