She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
