He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Randomize