Kiss
Puke
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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