Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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