just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
