I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
