i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just pee around me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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