He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
