remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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