Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Randomize
