i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
