This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
