We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
