I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
