That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
