Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
