I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
