im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
