Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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