need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
