Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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