omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't turn off my feet"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
