i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
