this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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