Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
