so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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