if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.