Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
