Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
