Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.