ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year