Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
