that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
