There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
