Dude my mom stole all your condoms
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
