I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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