oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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