the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
