mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
