You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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