it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
