I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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