I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
