You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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